Gay and Lesbian

Sexual orientation is determined by the sex or sexes you are romantically, physically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to. Heterosexuals are individuals attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals are individuals who are attracted to the same sex, while bisexuals are people who are attracted to both sexes. Homosexual men are usually referred to as gay while homosexual women are referred to as lesbians.

What if I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is?

Discovering your sexual orientation can sometimes be confusing. Most people don't just wake up one day and decide their sexual orientation. It takes time and its normal not to be sure. Experimentation is natural - as long as you look out for the safety of yourself and others. You may want to date the individuals of the opposite sex or you may decide to date those of the same sex. Exploration doesn't determine your sexual orientation; it just helps to discover your feelings.

Do I have to have sex to know?

No! You don't have to have sex to know if you're heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Some people never have sex in their entire life, but they know their sexual orientation. It's better to wait until you're emotionally ready and you find someone you care about. Sex can create more confusion then it can resolve. There are many ways to share intimacy with someone you care about, such as talking, spending time together, hugging, kissing, massaging, and holding hands. If you decide to have sex, it is important to remember to protect yourself and your partner and practice safer sex.

Recognizing and accepting that you are Gay or Lesbian

Some people recognize that they are homosexual early in their lives while others do not become aware of their own gayness until much later in life due to the many pressures society puts on us to follow a heterosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately our society still teaches us that same sex attractions are negative and makes it difficult for one to explore his or her own sexuality.

One of the first steps after you recognize that you may be gay or lesbian is self acceptance. Self acceptance is all about feeling good about yourself and comfortable with your own sexuality. This process is sometimes very difficult due to societal pressure. As a result self acceptance may become a life long process as homosexuals try to integrate their life style into an often hostile heterosexual world.

Why am I Gay?

You may ask yourself "why am I gay" but no one really knows the answer to this question. There are many theories as to why some individuals are orientated towards homosexuality rather than heterosexuality but they are only speculations at this point in time. Most of these theories follow three approaches: 1) nature 2) nurture and 3) a combination of both nature and nurture. The basis behind the nature theory for homosexuality is that individuals are born with a certain genetic makeup, which predetermines their homosexual orientation. The nurture theory believes that one's environment and experiences can predetermine one's sexual orientation. Other scientists believe that homosexuality is a result of both nature and nurture. The question you must ask yourself is why is it important to determine why you are homosexual? No one asks why heterosexuals are "straight".

Inner Conflict...

In the process of discovering your sexual orientation, there are many feelings you may experience as you develop self acceptance. Because the world is still relatively hostile and prejudice towards gays and lesbians it is not uncommon to feel confused, isolated, lonely, guilty or depressed. Unfortunately many societies make us hide our homosexuality and as a result we end up living double lives and denying who we really are. Experiencing these feelings is normal. However, some feelings like depression, low self-esteem and suicide thoughts indicate you need some professional help learning to accept your homosexuality.

Coming out of the Closet!

Coming out of the closet, is the term we apply to one's acceptance that he or she is gay or lesbian. Self acceptance is the first step in coming out. After you feel comfortable with your own sexuality it may become important to you to tell other people that are either gay or not gay such as your parents. This decision is a process that only you can decide and guide.

You may want and decide to come out to others when you feel you are emotionally ready and feel that it is a safe time. The time to come out to others depends on how strong you feel about yourself and how much support you need from those who care about you. The best person to come out to is someone you trust the most: someone you know will not tell others and someone who will not hurt you. Coming out does provide you with a healthier self-esteem as you allow yourself to share your "secret" about your sexual orientation with the people you care about. Just remember that coming out doesn't solve all of your problems and is a life long process.

One thing to keep in mind is that while we would like everyone in the world to be open and accepting, the truth is that there will always be some who don't understand. However, there are also people you can count on - these are the ones to whom you should talk.